The Return to Wonder: 2014

Preface

Greetings,

This is the compendium of aphorisms that began gushing out in 1989, as I was departing a teaching job at Oak Grove School in Ojai for a decade of mystical revelry in Chico, both in California. It was the source of the thus far, first and only published-for-sale work: The Stillness Before Time, Reflections from a Fellow Sojourner.

It is undergoing a likely-never-to-be-finished, much-needed edit; edited copy is colored blue. It was originally intended to be three hundred chapters, ten pages each, but a font change from Helvetica to Times New Roman, and other things I can barely recall, blew that out a few windows. The Breadcrumbs series took up the banner sometime post-2010, with Breadcrumbs 2015 the first issue. Lots of work to be done to get it up to par, and likely not enough time left in the scribe’s countdown to oblivion to get to it. So it goes.

Dedicated to all those destined to ponder the mystery from which all things small to great are indivisibly created.

A PDF is available at:

The Return to Wonder

Field Notes From the Unknown

https://thestillnessbeforetime.com/thereturntowonder.pdf

Writing has been an enjoyable process ever since I first began toying with prose; scribbling poetry, keeping journals, corresponding with friends and acquaintances during the college daze. The philosophical/mystical/whatever-you-want-to-call-them thoughts, that have been popping into mind since 1989, have always been very out-of-the-blue spontaneous. Nothing planned or forced about them. They are being shared on the off chance that others may find them of interest, though, quite frankly, it really does not matter if no one else ever even reads them, for I am, first and foremost, my own audience. I got mine, so to speak. I played my little part. I had my share of fun. And it is, as it has ever been, up to each to discern their own, on their own. There are really no followers in this Don Quixote quest; only earnest seekers, who waylay their desires and fears and dreads, enough to discern that which is the end to doubt, the end to dueling with windmills. “Yay” if it is your fate to figure it out. “Oh well” if it is not. And “so it goes” either way, really. Ecclesiastes 1:2 is always a good reminder: “Vanity of vanities,” saith the Preacher, “Vanity of vanities. All is vanity.” Awareness can only, with great effort, regain control, regain sovereignty, from the usurper, imagination, creator of all that is time, creator of all that is space. Creator of all that is illusion, has never has been anything more than illusion, will never be anything more than illusion. Only as real as the given moment.

“The Stillness Before Time” is the original work that came together in 1992, including mostly aphorisms, an essay, a newspaper question-and-answer, ten reflections, and lists of both movies and books. Though an early self-published version, long since edited and expanded, can be purchased at major booksellers, a downloadable copy is available, no charge, at the link below. There are also links to a variety of blogs of other creations by me, along with links to many writings of a similar nature, by thinkers and seers from across all times, across all geographies.

"The Ponderings of Yaj Ekim" is the second published book, and is both blogged and available as a PDF download.

The “Breadcrumbs” titles, published annually since 2015, all include the core chapters: Leftovers, Soundbites, Breadcrumbs. In the Breadcrumbs chapters, I unleash thoughts of a more personal nature than in the other two. All just to show I was ensconced in a living, breathing, relativity mundane, oftentimes foolish, mortal mind-body. An actor playing the hand that was dealt; same as everyone else, vain as everyone else. No need to sculpt me into more than I was. No need for myths, nor legends, nor fables, nor miracles, nor cult followings, nor any other fictions, any other absurdities, over to which the human mind, and all its imaginary history, has so often given itself. The Breadcrumbs chapters prove me again and again to be yet another Shakespearian player, as full of the limited and arbitrary as anyone else born into this dream of space and time. So please be sure not to shape me, or these many random thoughts, into some dogmatic absurdity. Use them as a launchpad, not an orbit.

“The Return to Wonder” blog is a compendium of aphorisms not included in the three other works: The Stillness Before Time, The Ponderings of Yaj Ekim, and Breadcrumbs. It originally totaled 3,000 pages formatted in 300 ten-page chapters written since 1990-ish. A gradual editing that will likely never be completed, is changing that dynamic into something of a mishmash.

Please note that this sort of wordplay is very haphazard, way too much work to put into any order. Probably best read it in bits and pieces in the here and there. One of those open-to-any-page works. Especially well-suited for coffee shops, coffee tables, and porcelain thrones.

Also note that all writings are always subject to updates and editing, so if you are interested in the most current version – before this house of cards comes tumbling down, and the world grows large again – downloading PDF copies every once and a while might be a reasonable discipline. This applies especially to the current year of Breadcrumbs, which could well be an annual project until the last wheezing breath, though frankly, the temptation to stop writing entirely is not off the table. It is a pleasant way to pass some of the countdown remaining, but it is unlikely there is much ground that has not been wandered by this frame of reference far more than enough already. No matter how many times Sisyphus rolls the boulder up the mountain, it is more than a little doubtful that the blind men and their true-believer followers, will ever discern, ever realize, ever embrace, the elephant in the middle of the room, without fabricating some new form of absurdity. It is the way we roll, it is the way we have always rolled, it is the way we will, far more than probably, always roll. Every species has its limitations, and we have in this mind’s eye, far-exceeded ours.

That said, if you do find these many thoughts at all worth preserving, for whatever times are ahead for this world and all its life forms, please feel free to share them with others who might also appreciate them. Else they may well swiftly slip back into the timeless oblivion from whence they came.

So it goes, either way. I played my part, I said my piece, I had my fun.

All the best,

P.S. For best viewing online, using the largest screen you have available to explore my little theme park, is suggested. Scrolling down and down on a phone screen is just not going to give you the same entrée.

P.P.S. Regarding the name Yaj Ekim ... It is just a reverse spelling of the first and middle names ... Michael Jay Holshouser ... Mike Jay ... Yaj Ekim.

P.P.P.S. Coincidently, make of it whatever you will, or will not, Yaj is an Indian boy’s name meaning worshipper, sacrifice, another name for Shiva, a sage. And Ekim is a Turkish name for October meaning “sowing” (of seeds). All kinds of absurdity can be read into that by the many, so-inclined – none of which was in mind when the idea came to reverse the letters to my name. See P.P.S. for details.

P.P.P.P.S. Yes, I am Shiva. And so are You. No, I am not Shiva. And neither are you. Irony and paradox rule.

The Stillness Before Time

Reflections From a Fellow Sojourner

Website

The Stillness Before Time
Reflections From a Fellow Sojourner
https://thestillnessbeforetime.com/

There is really only one Way.

It is without division or boundary.

It is without name or theology.

Awareness is its scripture.

Here now, its venue.

You, its witness.

Your life, the journey.

A PDF is available at:
https://thestillnessbeforetime.com/thestillnessbeforetime.pdf

One Through Thirty

One * 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17

18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 * Thirty

Essays

Of the Human Journey

Got God?

Ten Reflections

Blog and PDF

Blog * PDF

Other Resources

Books * Movies * Links * Blogs

Main Blogs & PDF's

(All blogs and PDF's subject to change, so stay tuned)

The Stillness Before Time
Reflections From a Fellow Sojourner
Blog * PDF

The Ponderings of Yaj Ekim
Blog * PDF

Breadcrumbs 2015
Bits and Pieces From a Dream of Time
Blog * PDF

Breadcrumbs 2018
Bits and Pieces From a Dream of Time
Blog * PDF

Breadcrumbs 2019
Bits and Pieces From a Dream of Time
Blog * PDF

Breadcrumbs 2020
Bits and Pieces From a Dream of Time
Blog * PDF

Breadcrumbs 2021
Bits and Pieces From a Dream of Time
Blog * PDF

Breadcrumbs 2022
Bits and Pieces From a Dream of Time
Blog * PDF

Breadcrumbs 2023 & Beyond
Bits and Pieces From a Dream of Time
Blog * PDF

The Return to Wonder
Field Notes From the Unknown
(Major edit underway -- Edited copy colored blue)
Blog * PDF

Blogs & PDF's of Other Works

Michael's Rabbit Hole
A Selection of Breadcrumbs & Other Aphorisms
Blog * PDF

The Call of the Eternal
A Conversation With My Self
Blog * PDF

Imagination: The Great Usurper
Blog * PDF

Lost in Translation
The Human Paradigm's Linguistic Muddle
Blog * PDF

The Gordian Knot of Ethical Thinking
Blog * PDF

Jesus on Prophets
What Any Seer Likely Faces Returning to the Cave of Origin
Blog * PDF

Aftershocks Autumn 2024
Blog * PDF

Of Meaning and Purpose
Ponderings About the Futility of It All
Blog * PDF

Mystery, Mystery & More Mystery
Blog * PDF

Imagination, Imagination & More Imagination
Blog * PDF

Doubt, Doubt & More Doubt
Blog * PDF

Science, Science & More Science
Blog * PDF

History, History & More History
Blog * PDF

Patterns, Patterns & More Patterns
Blog * PDF

Reincarnation, Reincarnation & More Reincarnation
Blog * PDF

Standouts From the Return to Wonder Edit
Selections From the First Sixteen Chapters
Blog * PDF

Of the Human Journey
Along with Got God? And Ten Reflections
Blog * PDF

To Be or Not to Be
Blog * PDF

The Mystery of the Mystery
Blog * PDF

Who Was the First?
Blog * PDF

The Real is Discovering
Blog * PDF

59 Moments to The Way It Is (And Is Not)
The Scribe's Guide to the Great Whatthe#$*!?
Blog * PDF

Definitions
An Incomplete Selection 0f Contemplative Definitions
Blog * PDF

Conversations
A Variety of Letters, Emails, Texts, & Sundry Odd 'n Ends
Blog * PDF

Titles, Titles & More Titles
Blog * PDF

Even More
Blog * PDF

Sketches of the Once Upon a Time
A Few Epiphanies and Other Hallmark Moments
Blog * PDF

The Corollaries of Yaj Ekim
Blog * PDF

Possible Last Words & Epitaphs
Blog * PDF

The Standard Ripostes
The Scribe's Go-to Responses to This and That in the Day-To-Day
Blog * PDF

My (Not Quite) Haiku
Blog * PDF

Jester Amok
Blog * Facebook * Facebook (Original)

Uncle Sam Says
Blog * Facebook

Once Upon a Christmas
Blog * PDF

Ditties for the Bluegrass Pyre
Blog * PDF

A Short List of Books for the Up and Coming
Some Written Works That May Help Get the Young up to Speed
Blog * PDF

Spam Responses (a.k.a., WTF Is This Shit!?)
Blog * PDF

A Collection of Miscellaneous Creations

Final Exit and Related Links

COVID-19 Information Links

The Blind Men and the Elephant

Of A Philosophical Nature

The Four Agreements

The Joyful Curmudgeon

12 Rules You Can Live By

Quotes, Quotes & More Quotes

Fichier Circulaire de Michael

How to Work in Any Environment

50 Rules Kids Won't Learn in School

Election 2016: The Rise (and Fall?) of Donald Trump

Michael's Little Warehouse of All Things Amusing, Absurd & Profound

Other Blogs and PDF's by Michael

Other Blogs and PDF's by Michael

Facebook

Michael Holshouser

Fichier Circulaire de Michael
(Michael's Circular File)

Yaj Ekim

Twitter/X

@YajEkim

Instagram

Michael Holshouser

Nine Translations of the Ashtavakra Gita

The Heart of Awareness (Byrom)

Ashtavakra Gita (Marshall)

Bitten by the Black Snake (Schoch)

Ashtavakra Gita (Richards)

A Duet of One (Balsekar)

Astavakra Samhita (Wood)

Ashtavakra Gita (Shastri)

Ashtavakra Gita (Saraswati)

Ashtavakra Gita (Vedic Scriptures)

PDF's of Nine Translations of the Ashtavakra Gita

The Heart of Awareness (Byrom)

Ashtavakra Gita (Marshall)

Bitten by the Black Snake (Schoch)

Ashtavakra Gita (Richards)

A Duet of One (Balsekar)

Astavakra Samhita (Wood)

Ashtavakra Gita (Shastri)

Ashtavakra Gita (Saraswati)

Ashtavakra Gita (Vedic Scriptures)

Ashtavakra Gita: I Am Shiva

Ashtavakra Gita: I Am Shiva

PDF's of Ashtavakra Gita: I Am Shiva

Ashtavakra Gita: I Am Shiva

I Am Shiva Comparison Chart

Four Translations of the Avadhuta Gita

Avadhuta Gita: Song of the Ever-Free (Marshall)

Song of the Avadhut (Abhayananda)

Avadhut Gita (Shastri)

Avadhuta Gita: The Song of the Ascetic (Sinha)

PDF's of Four Translations of the Avadhuta Gita

Avadhuta Gita: Song of the Ever-Free (Marshall)

Song of the Avadhut (Abhayananda)

Avadhut Gita (Shastri)

Avadhuta Gita: The Song of the Ascetic (Sinha)

Translations of Other Ancient Writings

Tao Te Ching: Verse One

Tao Te Ching (Marshall)

Bhagavad Gita (Marshall)

Yoga Sutras (Marshall)

Dhammapada (Marshall)

Ecclesiastes (Marshall)

Atma Bodha (Chinmayananda)

The Essence of the Ribhu Gitaj (Aiyer)

Yoga Vasishta Sara (Ramasramam)

Crest-Jewel of Discrimination (Madhavananda)

Mandukya Upanishad & Mandukya Karika of Gaudapada (Panoli)

Gaudapada: Advaita Vedanta's First Philosopher (Jones)

Translations of Ancient Writings by Bart Marshall

Avadhuta Gita: Song of the Ever-Free

Ashtavakra Gita

Tao Te Ching

Bhagavad Gita

Yoga Sutras

Dhammapada

Ecclesiastes

Writings by Bart Marshall

Verses Regarding True Nature

One Hundred Two Haiku

* * * * * * * * * *

The Return to Wonder

Fieldnotes from the Unknown

(a.k.a. The Stillness Before Time Compendium)

World Rights Reserved

Michael J. Holshouser

1112 Cedar Creek Drive, Unit 4

Modesto, California 95355-5213

The United States of America

mjholshouser@gmail.com

Pronunciation: Holtzhowzer

All have the express written encouragement

To distribute this creation freely to any and all

Who have the eyes to see and the ears to hear

The mystery in which each and every one

Equally participates in so many ways

CCC

So many mysteries by which you are so easily distracted.

* * * *

It is a change of heart in the most aware sense.

* * * *

Those who worry about how others see them

Dress up or down to the many judgments

* * * *

Our ancestors worked so hard for this?

* * * *

It is whatever you imagine.

It is not anything you imagine.

* * * *

Absurdity beyond wordity.

* * * *

To love thy Self, one must be completely true through and through.

* * * *

Vanity’s upsweep.

* * * *

Fashionably plain.

* * * *

Who has time for anything?

* * * *

In anonymity, absolute freedom.

* * * *

Others generally prefer your good intentions.

* * * *

Mirages keep you going long after their meaning is gone.

* * * *

Another drama for which you have little if any need or want.

* * * *

Whatever passion you choose to play out,

It must all be streaming seamlessly

In the right now of awareness.

* * * *

All value is arbitrary agreement.

* * * *

At some point, what in god’s name is there to even think about?

* * * *

Forget you even exist.

* * * *

Nothing to be,

Nothing to see,

Nothing to do.

Such bliss.

* * * *

How many stories can any one mind imbibe and retain?

* * * *

So much, so badly spent.

* * * *

It becomes clearer by the day.

* * * *

Somebody had to play your little part,

And like it or not, it turned out to be you.

* * * *

What’s not to love once you discern it is all you.

* * * *

Where time ends, how can you not be anything but everything?

* * * *

You surely know your little role well enough

To forget playing it at least once and awhile.

* * * *

The new and improved Black Friday.

Got up earlier than any worm,

And still you were late.

* * * *

When the drop returns to the sea, what part of infinity is it not?

* * * *

May as well be the first time,

Given that every single moment

Is for all practical purposes,

Brand-spanking new.

* * * *

More meme yap.

* * * *

The mind is samsara.

* * * *

Dogma does not equal truth.

* * * *

You are as young

As the day you were born.

No matter the body’s state of being,

Eternal life is forever now.

* * * *

Equanimity is a quality one must alone discern.

* * * *

Any argument over attributes is a sure road to dogma.

* * * *

Can any thing make you truly happy for long?

* * * *

The endless dreaming

Inspired by human imagination

Lays waste to this magical garden’s womb

From which all dreams are born.

* * * *

Still trying to convince your Self, eh?

* * * *

You dabbler, you.

* * * *

I am.

I am not.

Who’s saying?

* * * *

Imagination is the limit.

* * * *

Where in the grand ether can time and space really exist as more than a dream?

* * * *

A vain species whose nature

Is prone to havoc and destruction

For any given rationalization.

* * * *

It was written by Lao Tzu:

Nothing is done,

And nothing is left undone.

What did he really mean by that, anyway?

* * * *

The awareness to which imagination subscribes.

* * * *

No need to go to any great depth to see it is all nothing.

* * * *

Is there anything more inane than obligatory giving?

Let guilty conscience be someone else’s problem.

* * * *

Another pointless exercise in flag-waving vanity.

* * * *

We are all students, we are all teachers.

* * * *

You think these words mean anything at all?

I am talking to my Self, and you the same.

* * * *

It’s been real, whatever that is.

* * * *

Monkey see, monkey do.

* * * *

You are the rabbit hole.

* * * *

We can’t all be rock stars.

* * * *

High-functioning narcissism.

* * * *

Traveled a long way to get nowhere.

* * * *

Never cross between a shopper and seller,

Unless you have a tollbooth soundly secured.

* * * *

What is the mind that no longer seeks to consume?

* * * *

Truth is not necessarily practical in the day-to-day mundane.

* * * *

More than a few folks a-watching the unfolding show in immeasurable ways.

* * * *

Leading humankind out of its desert wander

Is about as fruitless a job description

As any I Am could imagine.

* * * *

Peace is peace, whatever the context.

* * * *

You are that which is godness,

Witnessing an individual dream of creation,

As are all the immeasurable eyes

That are, have ever been,

And will ever be.

* * * *

You are, indeed, marvelous.

* * * *

Yet another story.

Ho-hum.

* * * *

You suffer for your mind.

* * * *

A full breath clears the mind.

* * * *

Every single moment forever spent long before you even begin to know it.

* * * *

Just making it up as the given day unfolds.

* * * *

Charity begins at home, wherever that may be.

* * * *

Deep hunger is sated with a full belly and an empty mind.

* * * *

Seems that no space on this planet shall be unfilled by conscious design.

* * * *

Such a different world plying the horizon.

Ready or not, it is a-coming.

Pity the future.

* * * *

Yield to your true nature.

* * * *

What is?

What is not?

Both non-questions

In the vast realm of wonder.

* * * *

It has always been this, nothing more, nothing less, nothing but.

* * * *

Drift alone amid the myriad forms.

* * * *

A demon is usually chattering away in someone’s all too welcoming ear.

* * * *

How inexplicable you are in that which is not.

* * * *

Verily, the truth has always been the singularity within.

* * * *

Dive into the vast aloneness that seers and mystics call home.

* * * *

Goodnight Master Sol, until the dreamtime of your morrow yet again rises.

* * * *

Perhaps it happened to you because weren't paying attention.

* * * *

The difference between black and white

Is a mind ever-inclined to abide

In a world of attributes.

* * * *

Ponder the conclusion to the game

Which has never really been

More than played.

* * * *

A state without peer.

* * * *

A joyride in hell.

* * * *

Same lack of difference.

* * * *

Let go of everything.

Be formless in consciousness

As you truly are prior to consciousness.

* * * *

About that which you no longer give a hoot,

There is much to be said and less to be done.

* * * *

Let political correctness be someone else's problem.

* * * *

If there is an intermediary, a middleman involved,

Then it is more than likely some lying, cheating, and stealing,

And maybe even something much more nefarious,

Is going on in the somewhere, somehow.

* * * *

No man is greater than a bullet, unless it is coming from his gun.

* * * *

What tranquility can there be without contentment?

* * * *

Are we talking self-respect? Or Self-respect?

* * * *

Of the myriad distractions mortality offers, sexuality is perhaps the most intoxicating.

* * * *

Do not blame the object for your desire.

* * * *

Suffering is the choice of ignorance; pleasure-seeking is not the remedy.

* * * *

Catch your Self if you can.

* * * *

Benign indifference.

* * * *

You only thought it happened.

* * * *

At Soul reality, to what is there to attach?

* * * *

Pure, unadulterated, immaculate awareness.

That is all it is, has ever been, will ever be.

* * * *

How vain all thoughts inspired by dualistic notion.

* * * *

Forget that you were ever born and that you will ever die.

* * * *

The mind's vanity can be boon or bust to those questing truth.

* * * *

The difference between any two points is infinitely infinitesimal.

* * * *

Every awakening is the first and last

* * * *

I am to you as you are to me.

* * * *

Coo-coo for naught.

* * * *

Go formless.

* * * *

Discern the wonder.

* * * *

What will be will be.

No point in worrying.

* * * *

Die within.

Melt back into the ground.

* * * *

All cultures eventually die hard.

* * * *

And in the morning light,

The promise of yet another day

Of pleasure and pain, of mortal repast.

* * * *

To want nothing, what is that about?

* * * *

Time gives weight to the wisdom of sages.

* * * *

Whatever happens, attend fully the given moment.

* * * *

Why be satisfied with anything less than pure, eternal, immortal awareness?

* * * *

Skin color is no indicator of intelligence; every mind is a universe unto its Self.

* * * *

In the dreams of those immersed in totality,

It does not matter what any other thinks.

* * * *

What to say to those who have spent so much of their time not looking for themselves.

* * * *

Except in the dreams of imagination, there has never been an individual soul.

* * * *

What you fear most, what you desire most, is what you have in imagination created.

* * * *

Are you this pretending That, or That pretending this?

* * * *

The freedom of being is in the seamlessness of each and every moment.

* * * * * * * * * *

The Return to Wonder

Field Notes from the Unknown

Preface

The Return to Wonder - Chapter 300